I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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