even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my being single is dangerous.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
