if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
