Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it because I queefed?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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