Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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