Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Even my vagina gasped.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
