I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i may or may not be watching the land before time
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
