she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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