Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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