haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
