Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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