I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
