I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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