my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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