Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
