when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
