Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
