just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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