wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
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