How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There's always time for handjobs
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
