We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Someone shattered a urinal.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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