I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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