Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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