My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
