well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
