Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he thought i was a dude.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
