And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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