you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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