if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
