i just wanna soil my oats bro
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
