I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
