just come out here and I will go home with you...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
