Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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