3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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