She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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