Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
