he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
