I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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