just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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