I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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