I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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