that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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