Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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