either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
