i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Alive.
So much puke
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
