Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
