I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
