I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
