You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
