Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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