i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
