Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
