Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You smell like stripper and shame
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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