I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
