She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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