Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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