i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
