She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
that may or may not have been my penis.
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