So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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