ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
