she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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