and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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