I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
