take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
