Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
