I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
