You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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