i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
