i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
