As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Randomize
