guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
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hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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