i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
