and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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