I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How does one acquire holy water?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
