none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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