I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
