So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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