508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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