if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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