The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
