I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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